I WOKE UP FROZEN THIS MORNING, WITH SILENT TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE, STUCK IN MY OWN SADNESS

I WOKE UP FROZEN THIS MORNING, WITH SILENT TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE, STUCK IN MY OWN SADNESS

Today I woke up feeling not seen,
Not heard,
Not supported,
Not loved,
Not understood,
Not good enough,
And a stack of other things…

I lay there frozen,
With silent tears running down my face.

I found myself doubting myself,
Doubting my future,
Doubting where I was going,
Doubting decisions I am making,
Doubting who I had around me.
Doubting the work I do,
ALL of it.

A few years ago,
I wouldn’t have LET myself feel ANY of this.

I would have tagged it as bad,
Wrong,
And seen it as a sign of weakness.

I soon learned that when I numbed myself to feeling emotions such as sadness,
I was also numbing my ability to feel all the good stuff -
All the love,
The gratitude,
The peace,
The joy.

Which took a LOT of awareness to figure out,
Because I could still easily tap into all the good stuff,
Whilst numbing the other side of me.

However when I allowed myself to feel EVERYTHING,
All of the good stuff amplified so much too…

A few years back,
I committed to being a human,
A complete human,
With all of the emotions,
Allowing myself to have a full sensory experience,
I committed to feeling my truth,
I committed to speaking my truth,
Honouring what I am feeling in every moment.

I’m not going to lie,
All of this is uncomfortable for me to write right now,
Knowing it will be seen and read by a stack of people.

But lets take a look at what was at the core of my sadness:

Feeling not seen,
Feeling not heard,
Feeling not understood…

So I had a choice,
Just to sit in that,
Wallow in it,
Or,
Show up in the world as if I was seen,
Was heard,
Was understood.

Hence this post,
And vulnerably sharing it all with you right now.

I also spent time by the ocean,
Allowing the waves to take and transform my sadness with every wave.

I reconnected with gratitude.

I’m on a beautiful island off Ibiza right now,
At an incredible resort,
With a man who adores me,
Living into total freedom that I have created.

For some people,
Being here on this island would be their one holiday a year,
For a few sweet days.

This is my life.
Gratitude Regan,
Gratitude…

But want to know the biggest thing that helped me transform all of this?

Purpose.

Realising that none of this is about me,
Feeling into knowing that people are counting on me to show up,
Feeling into the millions of people that I’m holding space for,
The people who I am energetically connected to.
Feeling you.

If you are reading this,
You snapped me out of it.

And I thank you for that.

I’m keen to hear your thoughts…

Do you allow yourself to feel ALL of you?
How do you transform emotions that come through you?
What is the biggest driver that you connect to that helps you to grow through these moments?

Remember,
You absolutely can have it all…

I love you,

Regan x